Ok bear with me here. I've been sewing for hours and my mind has been free to wander. I've been pondering the "dream" and how many of us are searching for something to complete our lives. My life right now is a completion of a dream. I wanted to be someone that makes things all day and runs my own business. So now I'm happy right? Well what comes after that? My head says, "Ok now I'm happy, now what?". What is the next step?
So many of us spend our lives working a job that was supposed to be just something to pay the bills while we figured out what we really wanted to do. Most people have a tiny dream of living another life completely different than what they have been boxed into now. So why don't they ever act on those dreams? Are the feelings not strong enough? Are they just scared? Well maybe we need a dream to keep us going through the slow days. Maybe these people don't need to be exceptional. Maybe they just live through the achievements of others. The ones that live the dream for them.
Do we really need to fulfill a dream or do we just need to be happy doing what we are doing now? Maybe the problem is our society is full of people that are never satisfied no matter where they are. Maybe if they went and started that business or got that dream job that they still wouldn't be that happy. They would still be looking for something else. Never satisfied and always searching. Always looking out the window and wondering what "could be" not being in the moment of now.
Some days I think too much about the future and what is in store for me. I think too much about what it means to have a "career" and a "job". I worry about getting stuck in the same thing forever. That won't happen to me though. I'll always find a new thing to start up. I don't know why I worry about it then. Inside I feel like I am letting something die. It's the dream of having a job. It's the dream of living a normal life. The dreams I had when I was just trying to fit into society. The dreams I had when I just wanted to look normal and be accepted by people. I tried SO HARD to be something I wasn't. I worked hard at school in subjects I hated. I got a job and worked on projects that had no meaning to me. I started a career and tried hard to be ambitious and stand out from my peers but still look like one of them.
Then a change happened. I started to work on my dream. I started to think that they were all wrong. I started to wonder if I could change things so the world would work for ME and not for THEM. Why can't I have job duties that are what I enjoy? Why can't I have a lifestyle that fits my personality? Why can't I wear what I want and cut my hair how I want and talk like I want?
I became an artist. I awakened the artist that had been hiding within. The person that had been trying so hard to look like everyone else. Now I'm scared because this life has NO BOUNDARIES. As an artist I make things every day. I am around other makers that think like I do. I create beauty that makes people happy. I show people what's in my heart. Now what's on the inside is shown on the outside.
I'm still worried about career. I'm still worried about health insurance and retirement. I'm more scared about ever sitting behind a desk again and being bored out of my mind. I'm more worried about wasting away my youth at a job I resent. I'm more worried about not enjoying this gift of life I have been given. What does it all mean in the end? Career... so you can look good to other people? Money.. so you can buy more things? Mortage.. so you can have a house you never get to spend any time in because you are working all the time? Kids.. that you raise at a daycare. Sunny days that you long to be out in because you are locked inside.
I will not live this life. I blaze for myself a new path. I take naps during the day and work well past midnight. I have taken back my life.
It's a process for me to understand this world of no boundaries. I am going against the stream every day. I worry that now I'll be stuck in this "Sewing" job for the rest of my life. BUT I shouldn't be. I make things every day. I make hats that bring happiness into the world. When you wear one of my hats you feel happy and everyone around you begin to be happy as well. Everyone always smiles when I pass them by. They wave or make a funny noise. Everyone is chatty and you can hear them murmur as you pass. When you wear one of my hats you live in an aura of happiness and giggles. That is a powerful thing! I am creating magic and laughter. What can you say about your job? I need to be reminded every day as well that what I am doing is the right thing. I need to be encouraged as well. I need to tell myself that it's not about having some cool career or job.. it's about doing what makes you happy. It's about creating something that gives back to the world and just doesn't end up as trash. I am giving something back that is functional, long lasting and is my own way of brightening up the world.
Dreams - once you finish one you need to start on another! I am trying to figure out what the next step is now. What is my grand plan? What great thing will I try and move towards now? So... what next?
Until I come up with that answer. I will continue sewing. ;)
You should have seen me yesterday at the Goodwill bins. I was rolling around this cart with an army of ponies and dinosaur toys stacked on top. It was completly ridiculous! It was as if someone had finally cleaned out their toy closet that they've had since the 80's. There was tons of Rainbow Bright dolls and other kinds of toys I have no idea what their names were but they were totally toys I had played with as a kid and haven't seen for YEARS. One of my finds was this huge my little pony and knew that I just had to bring it home and make something totally awesome with it. 
The pony got a nice bath and major brushing to get rid of tons of tangles. Somehow Pat knew that I should use some conditioner to help the process. How did a guy know that? Yes it worked and we decided to give her a haircut. My brother Pat gave me the idea for the mohawk (which was made with tacky glue and lots of patience) and with a little added jewelry and glasses I found the look totally came together. Now the shelf part was also an item I found. I painted it last night and added some embellishments.
